Seek growth

“Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever.”  Mahatma Gandhi
Always afraid that I am not doing enough in this life, I get anxious about things that do not make me strong. Struggling with the dilemma of being paranoid of inexistent petty things behind me. The monsters of being lonely up there is too overwhelming that I forgot I still have tomorrow to deal with. The present opportunity of learning and growing feels empty and nonsense when all I do is to worry about everything – this ladies and gentlemen is COWARDICE. I’m afraid that my definition of growth is shrinking all my dreams and aspirations and shutting myself in a dark den with lions gnawing their teeth waiting for a grand feast for tonight.
I am but a breathing piece of meat aimlessly going towards where the waves could take me, or the wind could blow me. An empty vessel floating in the midst of the sea trying to cross an endless sea of despair and misery. Perhaps, I am too depressed to write about this. Perhaps I am too coward to go out and start anew. Perhaps I am too exhausted of going into this cycle over and over again.
Let the heavens break and show me a vision of how I can live a meaningful life. Or just walk me through this down moments until I realize my worth.