Many of us believe that we deserve a better life here on Earth. Wishing that we all deserve a good spot at the VIP seat in every show. Well, I guess at some point in our lives, we had a thought about that.
Our challenges are sometimes too big to handle. Especially when we lose something that is valuable to us. I have met a lot of people in the past few months who made me realize that my whinings are nothing compared to the burden that they carry on their back. While I am busy clamoring that my latte doesn’t taste good, others are almost dying of illnesses.
You see, our problems vary. Our setbacks take in different forms that we could imagine. I saw my life slip away in miserably chasing a wrong horizon with a man who hid me behind the curtain. I miserably failed to fix my eyes in growing and learning. I became too dependent on a relationship that tore every piece of confidence I have in me. At some point I have made myself believe that I am never getting any better than this.
I have lamented over and over again for the same old shit, and same old lies. I have accepted that I am destined to be stuck in lies. I had been so afraid of telling the truth. I had been so afraid of having the guts to say NO. I had been consumed with fear of being rejected. Yet I had been boastful of what lies I have made up to compensate for the insecurities I have.
I had been very afraid to stand my ground. I ran away and chose the easy road instead. Did everything according to another person’s whim and interest. I never had the bone to walk my own journey. I chose to settle with mediocrity.
Now it seems daunting because I had been boastful but have no substance. I fed my mind with useless musings and instant gratification. It felt like I was indestructible, but still with no substance.
Today, I realized that I have fooled myself in believing that I cannot overcome challenges and setbacks; that I am less than the other mortals in this world.
Today, I do not want to live in fear anymore, I am going to fight a good battle. I am going to pursue law again, and I will stand my ground.
I had been going out for more than a week without my smartphone, how do I feel? Freer.
The twitch that my smartphone caused me is more difficult to remove in my system. I realized that I had been busier when I have a phone in my hand all the time. Hours spent on browsing random sites are now gone. The idle times just doing nothing are now becoming more meaningful.
The convenience of having a smartphone is necessary – I could have my calendar, my phonebook, my notes, e-books, browser, and instant entertainment anytime. I am now experiencing more real-time human interaction without it. Maybe I could no longer take instant photos of the sunsets, nor record beautiful sceneries, but I am learning to appreciate them more by being present.
In trying to remember how I became a minimalist, I am also praying for peace in the hearts of the people I know. Peace is when you let go of the hurts and forgive.
A beautiful journey went from making her smile with gold medals and pride, up to this day that she feels I am the dirtiest woman in town.
Why things happened like this? Because I was a coward for not telling her the truth. I was a coward that I sugar-coated every generosity that the beast showed. I made the beast look like a knight-in-shining-armor and now I suffer the mockery after I realized that I have bruised myself so much and I am making things right and would not want to hurt myself anymore.
I am now inexistent before her eyes. My voice is a mere gush of the wind. My presence is a nuisance and my dreams are nonsense.
Yesterday you were happy. All the rainbows and unicorn flutter above your head. People adore you and would want to be by your side. You were incredibly a master of all trades. Success and fame are all within arm’s reach, you say what you want, you get people on your side, you make a hell lot with your day job, you make girls swoon over you, in a snap of a finger you can take random women on your bike and bring them home for a quick wild f*ck and make things work in all your favor. Yesterday was a beautiful history that put you exactly where you stand right now. All the decisions, all the mistakes, all the emotions, all the mishaps, challenges, and fortune lead you to this day.
Today you lament over your misfortune. All the monsters within you awaken as you realized things weren’t as pretty as they were yesterday. Change had always been constant. People are just human like you, they also get tired of raising you up from your sea of insecurities. You made yourself believe that you are the victim of everyone else’s decision. A delusion that people used you, abused you and made fun out of you seeped into the very depths of your core. Now you are a walking beast awaiting to destroy every person who saved you from drowning yesterday. You got consumed with the victim role that you stand as a puppet of anger and depression, lost, empty, but never admitting that you need a God in your life.
Tomorrow might not come. You might not see the light of the little ray of hope that awaits the pleasure of your revenge. But if tomorrow comes and you will see the destruction you made to the people you once shared hopes and dreams with. Will peace come to your heart? No, you won’t find peace. Rather, eternal sorrow and regret will creep into your soul.
“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.”
In pursuit of wanting more memory space on my laptop, I am trying to delete old photos and clips with bad faces and all lies. Oh, bad memories consume a lot of precious space on my device which clutters my working space.
I am clearing out every single piece of the kilobyte of unwanted faces of people who just take-random-women-on-their-bike-and-frantically-look-for-a-motel-but-never-find-one-so-he-took-that-random-woman-to-his-place-for-a-ten-minute-satisfaction. It is taking a disgusting amount of space in my memory, thus RECYCLE BIN and delete forever.
Now I got to value every new memory I make with people who are important to me. People who have actual brains and who are actually using their brains.
Well, I have led to the conclusion that all the files and the enormous memory they consume here on my device are all worthless and deception. Deleting and cleaning up your memory space is good. It lessens the lag and increases the performance of your device. As part of my regular decluttering, I am faced with the time it will consume to go over each folder and decide whether I should keep it or not.
Remember when you are in doubt whether you should hold on to a certain file or photo or clip, take a deep breath and press DELETE.
Let’s have more of real people and less of liars. Life is too short to waste time on people who do not have a goal in life.